3 cups of all purpose flour
2 Tbsp sugar (white, raw, powdered, brown, it doesn't matter)
1 Tsp salt
1 cup warm water (tap water, it feels warm when you stick your finger in it. You don't need a fucking thermometer fer chrissake)
5 tbsp butter
1/4 cup milk
1 Tbsp active yeast (or one packet. It doesn't matter. The measure doesn't have to be exact)
The equipment you need is;
Large mixing bowl and mixing spoon
measuring cup
measuring spoons
5" X 9" bread pan (if you don't have one, you can form the loaf by hand and cook it on a cookie sheet)
Oven (duh!)
Clean counter top to knead the bread
Get started- Get the butter melting and put the warm water in the mixing bowl and dump in the yeast. Add the sugar and salt. Let it sit for a few minutes while the butter cools down. Throw the cool milk in the pan with the butter to cool it down faster. You don't want it too hot to touch. Throw the butter and milk into the mixing bowl with the yeast and water. Now dump in about half of the flour and start stirring. As the flour gets incorporated into the mix, keep adding flour a bit at a time.
Once it's all stirred in, reach into the flour bag and get a handful of flour and rub it all over your hands and spread it out on the counter where you're gonna' knead the dough. Use a spatula if you have one, or just use your hands and get the dough out onto the counter(I generally do it with my hands because I forget that I have a spatula until I have my hands in the dough) . Start kneading and do so for ten minutes. Keep adding flour to your hands and the counter to keep the dough from sticking. Make sure you knead for ten full minutes! It actually does matter.
After you're finished kneading, wash and dry the mixing bowl, and coat the inside with cooking oil. Drop the ball of dough in there and set it somewhere to rise for one hour. It's good to find a draft free place that's a bit warm. But don't worry about it too damned much. You can just put in on the kitchen table with a dish towel over it. In an hour, come back and look at it. It will be about twice as big as when you put it in the bowl. Punch it right in the middle and it will deflate like a balloon. Dump it back out onto the counter and flatten it out into a rectangle that has one side a bit less than the length of your bread pan. You're going to roll it up from that edge and set that roll in the oiled bread pan (if you don't have the bread pan, just place that roll of dough onto the floured cookie sheet). Dust the top of the loaf with a little bit of flour and lay that clean dish towel on top of it and let it rise again for another hour.
At some point during the second rising, you need to turn the oven on so it's pre-heated to 400 degrees (Fahrenheit, of course. Don't be so silly) by the time the hour is up. Put the loaf in the oven and cook for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, take it out of the oven and pop it out of the pan. Let it cool for a few minutes before you start slicing it. You've made the homemade version of Wonder bread (the big difference being that your version has flavor). It's amazingly easy and amazingly good.
See how simple that is? Now go try it. Once you've done it, trying different bread recipes won't seem so damned intimidating. Here's a simple variation that you can use to get whole wheat bread just like you get at the store. Substitute one cup of the all purpose flour with one cup of whole wheat flour, and add about a quarter cup of wheat germ.
I'm sure that there are many readers of this blog who will take issue with my bread recipe because it's not "real bread" like the sourdough baguette that they love, or the whole grain ciabatta that they've got dialed in. To which I say "Of course it's not, it's the first step in baking bread". Try this, and then start to read more and experiment. You'll come up with something wonderful to share with your friends and family. That's the fun of cooking.
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